Ask HN: How do you deal with intolerance to criticism?
4 by trwhite | 1 comments on Hacker News.
I have a colleague who doesn't like receiving criticism. We're both software developers. He's a little younger and a little less experienced than me but I don't concern myself with that. My goal is to deliver value to the business and produce good work. Last year this colleague told me the feedback I gave him in PRs crossed a line and I've since gone to great lengths to think about I deliver it. I actually think I'm very respectful and considerate in how I present it. Invariably I just ask him what he thinks about other solutions. We spoke about this again last week and I reminded him that there wasn't any judgement in the feedback I was giving him; that part of my job is to criticise his work but that in no way do I consider it a reflection of his ability. Some of the time he acknowledges that his work could be improved but in most instances however he's defensive and argumentative. His rationale doesn't stand up to basic questioning and it's obvious he's just making it up as he goes along. I've even shown him how I review his work, what I look for etc. Often I'll reach a point where I don't have the energy and cave. He knows this and keeps pushing me until I eventually just approve his work. I don't want to make him feel bad but sometimes I have to draw on my experience say if I think something's a concern, like a brittle test or unclear code. To me, this is the whole point. I told my manager all this was making me feel uncomfortable, distracting me from my other work and causing stress. While I want to help, it feels like I'll never be able to break through with my colleague. I'd prefer not have anything to do with his PRs and just focus on my work and of my other colleagues (who don't seem to react in the same way.) Has anyone in the HN community had experiences similar to this and what did you learn? Should I merely accept the situation as it is and try to move on?